Thursday, September 23, 2010


Lately I've gotten so stressed with a million and two things. I swear every time I start to relax and look forward to a day of just sitting at home with my husband and relaxing watching shows and movie's and not doing anything but spend time together, something comes up. Now don't get me wrong most of it is wonderful stuff like kids birthday parties, but there have been a few times where some how we get mixed up in the middle of someones epic mess and have to spend the weekend cleaning up/stressing over their mess. Now toss in not sleeping very well because your simply uncomfortable and have trouble getting comfortable, work being come and go (Working till 8 almost every night one week then only getting scheduled 2 days the next and finding out it's gonna happen again in 2 weeks, getting screwed on your days off even though you have seniority, getting harassed because it's a pain in the ass that you have so many doctors appt's, which if they'd leave your days off alone there wouldn't be a conflict), getting medical bill's at least bi-weekly because our insurance isn't capable of processing claims correctly so I have to audit everything they do and call to get it resolved, finding out some of those bill's are actually owed because even though the insurance told us it wouldn't be that way it is, realizing that that little mistake is going to cost you about $700 just for visits you've already had and the doctor still wants you to see that specialist till you deliver, realizing that insurance told you the wrong thing about hospital cost's for delivery as well so instead of being $500 it's going to be $1000, then add in being asked to start making arrangements ahead of time for if Aiden doesn't make it so the hospital can call the mortuary when the time is right, realizing how expensive those arrangements are going to be, at the exact same time planning a baby shower, being itchy as hell because amazingly you've been pre-destined to have the worst pregnancy ever imagined and have developed PUPPS which gives you a lovely rash covering 2/3 of your body and will stay and possibly get worse until you deliver, then toss in that every time you see a doctor they stress to you to look for sign's of pre-term labor and pre-clampsia because you could go into labor any time, then you start getting head aches every day (the leading sign of pre-clampsia causing pre-term labor), Oh and because your so wrapped up in being so stressed about all of this not remembering when the last time you felt Aiden move so stressing because he hasn't moved in a while, then add in people giving you absolutely ridiculously bad advice when you try to vent because either they really have no clue how bad their advice is or weren't really sure what to say, stressing because if that's the advice they give how big of a mess have they gotten themselves into that at some point your going to have to help them with, then being mad at yourself for having not signed up for the classes you swore you were going to start this fall because for some insane reason you think you need more on your plate right now, All the while getting upset at yourself for being to stressed because you know it's not good for Aiden, so basically your stressed about being stressed because it's not good for the baby and how horrible of a mother you are because you can't seem to make it all stop, thinking " if this is what pregnancy is like for me, do I really want to do this ever again?", then realizing that honestly I love being pregnant it's just all this other crap that's ruined it and who's to say it all happens again next time, oh and then throw in thinking that I probably wouldn't mind being this stressed about all of this if things were going to have a different out come, if I was going to be leaving the hospital with a healthy baby it'd be much easier not to get so worked up, then feeling horrible for thinking that way. - Yep this is just all the thing's I'm stressed about that came up in 1 minute of thinking about what I'm stressed about. Trust me if I really sat and thought about it there's much much more. -How the heck we're going to afford Christmas, -Screw Christmas how are we going to pay our bill's while I'm off, -Can we really commit ourselves to anything in the next month and half, -What will happen next, -If I'd gotten off my butt and gone to school sooner we wouldn't have to worry about all these medical bills or time off, we'd be much better off financially. - I could go on and on all day I'm sure!

Well not to worry the doctor says that the head aches (migraines actually) are most likely just because I'm so stressed about everything in the world, and possibly from dehydration a little bit as well, but mostly stress. So I'm doing the very best I can possibly do not to let things faze me anymore because if I keep going the way I am, I'm going to cause myself to go into pre-term labor from being so stressed. Ultimately my plan is to ignore the things that stress me out and have faith that it's all in God's hands and he knows what he's doing, God will provide for us. I just need to "Be still and know that I am God", before I cause myself to go into labor or go insane.

Honestly sometimes I have to stop and reflect in how everything has changed in the last 3 months, how much Shawn and I have changed, how dreams we never realized we had were smashed, how from out of no where we came up with all the strength in the world, how our futures have changed forever all from one little boy, everything changed  and not just in our lives, but everyone around us. It's amazing that God would chose such a small little person to change everything, even more amazing that somehow HE has given us the privilege of saying that we're his parents.

This has been a word from your very loving, insanely stressed out but trying not to be, pregnant person.
Have a wonderful day! LOL

1 comment:

  1. Jessie,
    No ridiculous advice from me....just a big hug and lots of prayers being sent your way (and for Shawn and baby Aiden too!)