Aiden's Turtle

Our trip to California was wonderful, we loved getting to see Pat and Michelle and are so excited that Michelle is officially a member of our family! We had a great time catching up with my grandparents and going to the beach. Aiden really enjoyed his first visit to California. Pat and Michelle's wedding was absolutely beautiful I couldn't have imagined a better wedding!


On our last day in California we went to lunch with my mom, brother and new sister in law. At lunch and brother and sister in law gave us a gift for Aiden, that we have become permanently attached to. They gave us a little stuffed sea turtle that Shawn and I have deemed Aidens turtle. Every time we got in the car and we could sit down after that, Aiden's turtle sat on my belly next to Aiden or in Shawn or I's hands. We now have Aiden's turtle with us everywhere we go in the house and sleep with him next to Aiden every night.. Even our cat's are aware of how important the turtle is, they like to rub faces with it and unlike everything else on the bed, they leave the turtle alone except to rub faces.


During our trip I came to the realization that a lot of what I was so excited about going to California for was that in my mind everything was some how perfect there. All of my family was there, the ocean was there, and somehow in my mind Aiden wasn't sick there. Half way through our trip I realized that sadly while the other parts of my fantasy were true, the last part was not. Even if we stayed there forever things wouldn't change it wouldn't make a difference. The same thing would happen there as it did here, it'd just happen in California not Colorado.


Another thing that I've become way to attached to is the idea of having bracelets with his name on them. While we were tourist shopping we noticed that one of the stores sold those rubber bracelets with names on them. Sadly they didn't have Aiden, so as soon as we got home I went online and ordered custom ones for Shawn and I that have his full name on them. I've decided that once he's born we'll order more with his name and date of birth on them, I figure if everyone pitches in we can get enough for all of our friends and family to have one. Something to remember Aiden with, something to remind everyone that our beautiful little boy was here. Maybe we could bring more attention to his condition, maybe make more people aware that this could happen to anyone, that more research is needed to help prevent or treat this.

After coming to my realization on the trip, I started to think again about things that have been said. Things like we'll need to start thinking about how we want for things to go once we get to the hospital, start to pack the hospital bag and make sure that everything we want there is in the bag. This was possibly the saddest thing to think about. Normally when people think about packing their hospital bag, it's not imperative that they make sure that everything they deem important for the baby makes it in the bag, they could always send someone to get whatever they forgot. Or they normally get to pick out a few of their favorite outfits to bring with them to the hospital, how are we supposed to pick just one. Just one outfit that he'll wear, the one outfit we'll ever actually get to see him in. We bought lot's of outfits for him before we knew what was going to happen, outfits we both really liked Or what about the outfits that other people have given us, the monkey onsie, or happy turtle onsie from Pat and Michelle. But now we have to pick just one, have to make sure that the blanket we bought the first week we knew we were pregnant is there, that the photo frame with clay insert for hand prints is there, that Aidens turtle is there. That all of the people that we love are there because this is their only chance to see our son, if they aren't there they'll miss it, they'll miss him.